Saturday, 13 June 2009

Local wildlife

We have an indigenous wood pigeon. I call him "Woody". Not because of his species name but because of the fact that he smokes 60 woodbines per day.
Plus he always has a pigeon sized can of special brew in his left claw whilst rolling around drunkenly in the bushes.
He is the special "Brighton" kind of wood pigeon.
You see, back up in London, where I used to live, we had a wood pigeon too. He would coo gently and rhythmically and make me think of burnt umber on canvas and bouncy castles.
His tonality was soothing and gentle.
But this one we have here in Brighton?
Well, the local tramp would see him as kindred.
This pigeon coughs rather than coos. It does! "cough, cough, cough" When it should actually be "coo coo coo!"
Why do we always get the rubbish birds here in Brighton?
All we get are raucous sea gulls (which are chavs disguised with feathers) and manky old pigeons.
That's about it.
Our ecosystem is fucked.
Either that or all the best birds are to be found in London....